Some Thursday Jokes for you

The Rasta Man

​A Rastaman was sunbathing nude on the beach.   He saw a little girl coming toward him, so he covered himself with the newspaper he was reading.

The girl came up to him and asked, ‘Wha yuh ‘ave undah de newspaper?’   Thinking quickly, the Rasta replied, ‘A bird.’  

The girl walked away, and the Rastaman fell asleep.

When he woke up, he was in the hospital in tremendous pain.   The police asked him what happened.  

The Rasta said, ‘Mi noh kno.   mi was lying pon de beach, dis likkle gal axe me a question, den mi mussah doze off an next ting mi deh ya.’

The police went to the beach, found the little girl, and asked her, ‘What did you do to that naked Rasta?’After a pause, the girl replied, ‘Me neva do nutten to him, nutten at all.  Me a play wid him bird an it spit pon me.   So, me bruk it neck, crack it two eggs dem, and set de nest pon fire!

The Pregnant 18yr Old Girl

An 18 year-old girl tells her Mom that she has missed her period for two months. Very worried, the mother goes to the drugstore and buys a pregnancy kit. The test result shows that the girl is pregnant.

Shouting, cursing, crying, the mother says, ‘Who was the pig that did this to you? I want to know!’The girl picks up the phone and makes a call…. 

Half an hour later a Ferrari stops in front of their house; a mature and distinguished man with gray hair and impeccably dressed in a very expensive suit steps out of the Ferrari and enters the house.

 He sits in the living room with the father, the mother and the girl and tells them: ‘Good morning, your daughter has informed me of the problem. However, I can’t marry her because of my personal family situation but I’ll take charge. I will pay all costs and provide for your daughter for the rest of her life.Additionally, if a girl is born I will bequeath her 2 retail stores, a townhouse, a beachfront villa and a $1,000,000 bank account. If a boy is born, my legacy will be a couple of factories and a $2,000,000 bank account. If it is twins, a factory and $2,000,000 each.

However, if there is a miscarriage, what do you suggest I do?’ At this point, the father, who had remained silent, places a hand firmly on the man’s shoulder and tells him, ‘You’ll sleep with her again!

A little boy goes to his dad and asks, “What is politics?”

Dad says, “Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I’m the breadwinner of the family, so let’s call me capitalism. Your Mom, she’s the administrator of the money, so we’ll call her the Government. We’re here to take care of your needs, so we’ll call you the people. The nanny, we’ll consider her the Working Class. And your baby brother, we’ll call him the Future. Now, think about that and see if that makes sense,”

So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what dad had said.

Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him.

He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper. So the little boy goes to his parents’ room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny’s room.

Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed.

The next morning, the little boy says to his father, “Dad, I think I Understand the concept of politics now.”

The father says, “Good son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about.”

The little boy replies, “Well, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, the Government is sound asleep, the People are being ignored and the Future is in deep ****.”

Posted by UnderDaRock on Jan 14 2010. Filed under News. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0. You can leave a response or trackback to this entry